Saturday, January 30, 2010

no one will ever really know what love is.

What is love? Adults always think the feelings kids get aren't 'love', but just really like. They don't believe 'kids' can understand what love is. What makes an adult so sure about love when they end up getting divorced or when they can't even find their own love. When those situation occurs, those adults claims: there is no love.

If adults can find love, why can't kids? Why must kids wait until they're older, until they're adults to find love? Why must your feelings of love only be real when you're older, when you're an adult, but it's 'fake' when you're only a kid?

I find it so unfair...

So what is love?

What is this strong world that we all speak so highly of? These five letters that brings us pain and happiness at the same time. That brings the world together, but also causes us to fall apart?

Friday, January 29, 2010


I realized I could be such a "giver-uper", if that is a word. I just had a math test and I'm still dead from just taking it. The word problems in the test just drove me crazy! I had no idea how or what to do at all. I didn't even get the whole concept. I know those are all just excuses, but it's true. So during the world questions (which are all worth 3 marks!), I didn't understand and I just gave up!

Even though after school, we still had time, I just though: 'Whatever! I'm giving up, I can't do this.'

I really hate how I just give up or drop things. I was super dead today. I was quite happy this morning, actually. Even though I woke up late, I managed to take a quick 10 minute shower before going to school and I even made it on time with some to spare at the library. I did my crossword and sudoku with some classmates and it all went well until P.E.

I usually enjoy P.E. and today, it was open gym and I took a break from playing badminton, then I was just chatting with a 6 year friend of mine, Yammy. When I was just chatting around with Yammy, I got hit by a basketball. Well, I dodged it and it hit the wall, then it me. It didn't hurt too much, I guess it just hit the depression out of me?

Afterwards, dodgeball was avaliable and I went to play since I know PYL quite likes it, plus I like dodging balls? -laughs- Ah, did I mention I was almost killed twice by a classmate? I don't know if he's doing it on purpose or not, but I almost got exaggeration because if I did actually get hit by those two hits...I wouldn't be here typing up this boring blog entry. Yammy definitely cheered me up. He kept going back and forth, getting killed and being saved and getting killed, then being saved again. We talked. By the way, Yammy got himself a girlfriend ;D She's really pretty and smart. A kind person indeed.

Let's end this blog with:
I failed my math test.


Thursday, January 28, 2010

stress just causes more stress and baldness

When I first read Gintama's episode 52 title: "Stress can lead to baldness, but if you try not to be stressed then that will make you stressed, so there's really nothing we can do."

Long title right? When I first read that, I laughed. I always found Gintama's titles funny, but they always have some kind of sense in them. As for this title, I agree to some extent. Stress just causes more stress. Being stress about a test or about certain work just makes the situation worst than it actually is, that's why I'm so laid back.

Watching my friends worry about IB and all that sometimes make me feel too laid back. Perhaps I'm just not worrying about things enough? Well, I guess we can see if my 'laid back-ness' is worth it when I'm not the first to bald =)


Tuesday, January 26, 2010

is 4 hours still a nap?

I just took a 4 hour nap from 3 pm to 7 pm (which is now) and I wonder, is my 4 hour nap still a nap? During our IB (International Baccalaureate) information night, Mr. _______, the IB coordinator at our school, said: "4 hour is not a nap." because the IB students messes up their time by taking naps after school, then staying up really late.

Anyways, the main point is: is 4 hours still a nap? Or is it a sleep?

Sometimes I take 5 or 6 hours 'naps' as well. If 4-6 hours aren't naps anymore, then what are they? You can't exactly say I'm just sleeping because I know I will wake up later and I'm not completely at ease because I know I have to wake up sooner or later. Hmmm...

I shall continue to wonder about this.


Monday, January 25, 2010

you understand when you lose

Do you only understand how important something only after you have lost it? Many people have told me and I have read in many things that, you will never truly understand how something is important to you until you actually lose it.

You won't understand how important that one guy best friend is and how good he is to you. How he always supports you and loves you even though you belong to someone else. You will just think: 'He'll always be there.'
-Then, he suddenly gets taken away by someone else and that's when you realize you're dating a jerk or someone who isn't right for you and you want your true 'soulmate' back.

You won't understand how that pestering, annoying friend you have by your side is actually what keeps your life entertained until you finally told him/her to go away and never bother you and they actually do it! That's when you realize your life is actually very quiet and boring without him/her.

There's so many more situations, but those are the ones I can think of right now.

Why am I saying all this pointless thing that everyone already knows? Well, that's because right now, I realized that it's so weird how weird it is to be 'talked' to.

I am the pestering friend who always talk so much and annoy others. That's my personality and my 'role'. Because of my 'big mouth', I spill out myself and end up hurting myself and making myself seem more annoying than I already am.

As you all know, I missed school today and I wonder: Did anyone's day change because I wasn't there to bother them? There probably was a change. A good one.

Cheers for me?


faking absent isn't too hard...(how to fake absent)

Today, I managed to stay home from school. How? Because I was up 3 - 4 am in the morning. I went to bug my dad, whose still somewhat half asleep, saying I don't feel too well.

When you fake being sick and you don't want to use that hairdryer trick, heres how:

1. State that you're not FEELING well.
2. If your parents check for temperature. Say you have a headache and you feel sore, not a fever.
3. If you somehow manage to have a real cough, try coughing hows or twice.
4. Make sure the tone of your voice sounds tired, sloppy, lazy, and mumbling in a way. (Don't mumble though!)
5. Stay in your bed and sleep to the max!

For these to work, it's best if you have some kind of symptom of being sick. What I did was only sleep for 3 hours so I was REALLY dead. That definately helped me out. I guess if you do have a sore throat, that might help the voice and the coughing.


Back to my complains-

I actually planned to go to school today. Yesterday, I didn't finish my math homework and was hoping to get a classmate to lend me their homework to copy and also I lost my socials homework (I DID DO IT THOUGH!), so I was hoping I could ask someone to lend that to me as well. Now, my whole plan messed up. Sadly.

I also have nothing to do since my dad didn't really want me to sleep so long and mess up my sleeping time, again. So I'm just dead bored. o-o

Hmmmm...what should I do?

I guess I should start the other part of my socials homework since it's already after school time!

Blogging later.

alarm clocks can walk now.

Another entry of complain. Supposedly, I should be doing my math homework, but instead...I was thinking about alarm clocks. I was thinking I should set my alarm to 5 am in the morning so I can wake up to shower before I forget. Turning around from my desk, I look at my bed shelf, where I usually put my alarm clock, and realize it's missing. Usually, my sibling, Fat Guy, would take things from my room without asking. He took my alarm clock once even though I said no. Only did he return when I made a fuss over it and kicked him. After I just stormed into Fat Guy's room (not exactly loudly storm since it's 1:45 am in the morning), I checked to see if that alarm clock was there. Indeed, there was an alarm clock. Fat Guy states that it was given to him by dad. I, whose ticked off, asks my dad why did he give my alarm clock to Fat Guy and that I need to wake up early. He says it's because I left the alarm clock on this table (as in to say I don't need it.)

YEAH, RIGHT! Why would I, who uses my alarm clock every day, leave the alarm clock on the table? It's ALWAYS (I can swear to God) on my bed shelf! I angrily left my dad's room and went to my room to set my ipod to 5 am. Yes, I do use my ipod to wake me up, which is the reason why I have hearing problems and my brain damage is greater.

My dad went to go find the so-called 'alarm-clock-i-left-on-the-table'. He returned to my room with the clock, but with my horrible temper, I refused...still mad. I continued to set my ipod as my dad rants about throwing the clock away and blah blah blah blah.

I ignored him, messing with my ipod. He then chuck the alarm clock at me instead. The alarm hit my wrist, leaving a tiny red mark (that will eventually be a little bruise) on me. Now, it lays on the floor after being thrown in anger by me, ticking and tocking, next to the cellphone I threw on the floor.

What I learned: I'm very messed up 1 am in the morning & nowadays, alarm clocks can walk.


Into my Stupidity.

The problem of all these conflicts that occured with my close friends? I don't exactly feel sorrowful I have distanced myself with them. Aren't you starting to hate my character? -high five-! I hate my character as well. We should hate my character together and hope the author will erase what he/she wrote and try and recorrect me. Let us wait patiently for that to happen. :)

I realized I kind of want to isolate myself from people sometimes. I have once again, clinged and poured my heart and soul onto one person. I have exposed too much of my true nature, my true self. It's quite scary.

In truth, I admit I did pour too much of myself onto my whatever current close friends, but to be honest, I never poured my whole self onto anyone. Yet, before I can even reach halfway to the depth of my true thoughts, their cup is already overflowed, flooded to the max. Am I such a big person? Such a fillingly creepy person?

I guess I have made up my new years resolution (which I don't always have! So congrats to myself -claps-): No strings attatched with everyone.

'This is so confusing! So emo! I should stop reading!' - You may think this way. If you do, feel free to close and click the 'x' on the top write corner of your internet. I do hope there's some people who would like to read about this new species of human though...

Anyways, you might think this is such a negative and harsh new years resolution. Yes, but it benefits me and all the 'cups' out there! Now there will be no fights that I have started, no 'over-filled cups', and no one to target me.

What do you mean my target, dear little Pocky? Well, I have experienced more than once, where this stupid idiotic person who manages to get me to trust them and expose a little bit of myself to them. Then jerk-of-a-person uses what they know about me AGAINST me.

Sigh, I'm such a loser. I really don't have a 'good eye'. Sometimes, I just admire those who can tell which people are trustworthy and which are not. Perhaps you could lend me a hand?


End of my procrastination, I should start my science and math homework.

Good night,

Sunday, January 24, 2010

First entry, or so I call it.

Ah~ my first entry.

Let's say...I am in a way, a very lonely person. I am surrounded by many people, many amazing people, many losers, many people who I believe don't deserve to live. I'm a harsh person, yes. I don't believe I have a right to judge others when I'm like this, but...I actually have no excuse. Please ignore the fact that I judge others when I'm worst than trash. To be honest, I'm quite a big hypocrite although I hate hypocrites.

Well, anyways, I have been surrounded by many peoples throughout my life. I had been backstabbed, I had had honest supporting friends and I had been a stupid loser who decided to destroy it. I'm a stubborn headed person who will never listen to others nor accept any other opinions/facts that others will give me. My life is a contradiction. I have a big ego and in a way, I'm a narcissist, but I also have a low self-esteem. Why am I saying all this?

Well, I'm always a fight-starter. I always win. I don't know if it's because I have a 'good mouth' and I love to argue or is it because my 'opponents' let me? I guess I just tend to attract fights...that makes no sense, but whatever. Let's just say: If you're friends with me, we're bound to get into at least one fight...I think.

Anyways, I doubt anyone care about all this. haha.

That sums up the first entry!

Number one might not always be the first.

I have decided to create a journal for my own pleasure.

An emo, random journal that will make no sense to all nor to myself. What's the purpose of this journal? To express my feelings or stress? Probably, I don't even know the answer myself. I hope there will be some answers out there, though that's probably not possible. If it does somehow come true, I hope to live and see it.

Now, for a self introduction...

I am a person who is totally lost. I have no purpose in life, nor am I searching for one. Due to my laziness and procrastinating personality, I end up moping about life. Personally, I like to admire amazing people and work although it makes me feel horrible about how I'm wasting myself, my life, my oppurtunity given by God.

I have no religion. I have no dreams at the moment, nor any goals. You may think I am quite a useless human, I will be offended though, but I probably agree. So far, after all the experiences I have gone through, I admit...I have learned many things. The experiences I had, is probably not very big nor that significant. I have never done anything extreme or meaningful.

Since a child, I had always wish to save people, to help others and make a difference. Travel around the world, do exotic things, experience different things. I do hope that will be possible. Are those my goals or dreams? I don't exactly think I will count them as my dreams or goal now.

Through this blog, I hope I can express myself to others, perhaps connect with those who are similiar to me. If anyone wants to yell at how I'm thinking so negatively, I don't mind, although I might get a little ticked off.

As you can see, I'm quite a contradicting person. I hate that side of me. I won't change how I am though because I want to see if I can ever meet someone who will fully accept and adapt to how I am, my thoughts, personality, appearance and just...everything! Probably in this lifetime, I won't be able find that person so I'll wait till my next life :D

I do not mind if this blog will never be read by anyone as long as no one I know in my life circle reads this, I will die happy.

I think I should start my first entry in another entry. That might make me feel more active. I think...