Saturday, December 6, 2014

Finals & Relfecting

So it's finals season and I have two more left until freedom...well, freedom from an educational institutional.  I will be stuck working almost full time since it's that time of the year! Unfortunately, I think none of the other employees are taking a break no subs, stuck to working five days a week! There goes my hibernation plan...and many of the "hang-outs" I was originally going to have to catch up with people.

The last few blog posts have been 'meh' and I think it will continue to be.

I have been reflecting, as I notice everyone around me is entering a new stage of their lives.  We're slowly hitting our 20s and soon after I do, everyone will be
But maybe it's because of work or what not, I noticed as we grow's a given that we experience new things and lose the old.  I have already realized that people around me have been experiencing losses or almost have.

...And it's scary.

Never really thought about it and use to always dream of getting older quicker, but now, I dread it more.  Not only because I need to start taking responsibilities for my own actions (no more kiddy excuses), but parents will start to grow old.
After losing the old granny I knew since I was young, I realized I still haven't really fully have it in my head what it means to lose someone entirely.  I know some people around me have already...
And all these thoughts came to me when I saw a friend's status on Facebook on her loss of a childhood friend.  It just got my head turning and yeah...
I still can't imagine and I am fortunate that I still haven't experienced something like that.  ):

Don't really know where I'm getting at with this...but I guess I have come to a conclusion that I still look forward to getting older.
Except now, rather than imagining this ideal future I have for myself and how I want things to be, I also need to focus on the present.  Despite hearing all the cliche quotes on living life now, YOLO and all that, I didn't really want to follow them. Or I thought I was and realized I was sort of just trailing along.  If I died now, I know I would have so much regrets.

These last few weeks, I started planning out the things I really want to do.  No excuses. And now, I'm super stoked to do things I always dreamed of doing.
I also decided to just pucker up some courage and go for the opportunities out there.  As much as failure can bring color to my cheeks and make me want to crawl in a hole and die, whatever. :)
Super psyched!

Really appreciate the friends (who probably aren't reading this) who has been with me through my indecisiveness.  I keep asking the same thing on whether I should apply for this, or whether I should do that...I know it's annoying, especially since I ask again and again.
I also have to apologize to the three good friends who took care of me while I was tipsy or slightly drunk.  I wasn't exactly drunk (since I went to washroom by my self and was still able to think with a sober mind), I know I was a handful when I am too talkative and happy.  I also know I caused you guys to worry (or surprised you) since you guys have never seen me drink before.
        (Japan has trained me well, haha).

Anyways, this winter break, gotta work hard to earn some moola! Gotta make time to spend with loved ones! And I gotta put my goals I set (few blog posts down about the changes I want to make) into action...AKA go to the freakin' gym :'( And clean my room...

Time to study (and watch anime, and read my fanfictions while snacking on potatoes). Peaceeeee