Sunday, March 2, 2014

odd day for no reason in particular

All of a sudden, probably an hour or so ago, I felt so suffocated.  I legit felt like I couldn't breathe and that the air wasn't getting into my lungs...so unfresh.  I had to open my window bigger and just...all my blankets just made me felt so claustrophobic.  I don't recall this happening to me...at least not for a while in years...

I mean I had a panic ish attack where I felt so much fear and anxiety around September or so...where my paranoia creeped up on me and I was home alone.  I have no idea if I blogged about this or not, but it was the first time I started physically shaking and crouched into a fetal position against my door, unable to undress into home clothing, and started crying.  I was so scared and ending up calling someone to talk for hours and after a while, I was able to get up and stop shaking.  That night was probably the longest night...

Anyways, well, yeah, earlier I wasn't shaking...but ended up crying a bit although it wasn't out of sadness.  It wasn't stress about the upcoming midterms either...and surprisingly, despite being unprepared, I am not panicking about that yet.  I don't know...I just feel sort of numb.  -sigh- I can't wait until my trip and to get out of here for a bit...

The pressure society puts on our post-secondary education...and just the competitive atmosphere where my fellow classmates and friends are so driven in their faculty with what they do (not that there's anything wrong with that...in fact, I'm envious), but it just makes me feel so behind.  I just want to get down on what faculty I want to be in...not even about what I want to do.  Or what my hobby is...? Anyways, before I waste time and go off on a tangent like I always do, I should go back to studying. 


My obsession with this song is just insane.