suffering insomnia, if that wasn't obvious enough

lately, it takes me hours to fall asleep...if i even do.  and when i do? i wake up in the middle of the night (or morning technically) in panic.
-sigh- my memory has also been really bad and hazy...and i really do hope this is because of stress.

Happy Halloween!

really appreciate i got to see the few people i did today :D or talk to those who really do matter.  i guess i got connected to everyone that really mattered to me today.
on the bright note...HR NOW was a success i hope...and the photos i took weren't all that bad! on a bad note, next week and the few others after will not be much of a joy ride.

also, seeing "you" today just ticked me off like crazy. argh. im being driven insane and my water show is going on the lose. i feel so freakin' messed up because of this.
whatever. -sigh- in a sense, i knew what i was getting myself into. but i guess i was caught off guard. i hate how i keep clinging onto the past and just can't look forward...or just accept the changes.  even though it's not too long ago, but i just miss the old times...and just how it was...fairly simple lol. and a simple complex. i don't know...either way, it's better than this.

time for bed. maybe an episode for vampire diaries first...then bed. good night, and sweet dreams to those reading this.

eyes sting like crazy

probably from all the crying, thus, i had to wear glasses today!  I haven't worn glasses out in a long time and it did feel comfortable.  Especially at my new job, staring at the computer monitor for about  6 hours, the glasses help reduce the strain I put on my eyes. I probably looked more serious too, haha.

Thanks to mundane, brainless tasks and a expressive conversation with a hippo, I was able to take my mind and heart off some issues.  Almost no tears at all today? Maybe a tear or two, but not full on crying. Hopefully it stays this way.

Can't believe HR NOW conference is tomorrow.  Going to be another long day tomorrow.  My papa bear is coming home and I don't even know if I'll be able to pick him up because I need to go grab some balloon decoration for the conference, head downtown and help set up then attend the conference until time.  Probably home at 10 or so.  Maybe I should go home earlier since I have school the day after and it's econ...

Time for bed, with cuddly Chubchub.

nothing to say, honestly. i'm a wreck.

that moment...

you know that moment when you just feel like crying? yeah...i'm describing my week.  my crying days continues especially with midterm happening tomorrow.  the headaches aren't exactly helping my study materials go through...i feel like a total mess.  let me rephrase that, i'm feeling like a Joyce.

woke up at 4 pm or so today.  did nothing to make myself brag except that i have compiled my favorite Jay Chou music together on a playlist that has been on replay since it was created. i also watched vampire diaries. damon...
really disliking how i am attracted to people way too easily. -sigh-



what am i listening to on replay? that song above.
i guess my Nell phase moved to a Jay Chou phase.  ooh, and on the bright side, i also got to see the birthday girl and talk to her. finally had a day to myself, i think that actually helped.
not a complete alone day since i had contact with a handful of people through text...but only really talk talked to 3 people.

my heart is a mess. ...so is my head

a week that's blurred together

whether it's because of the tears every night, or it's because they're just such long days.  New job, though I love it, it's for long hours.  I go home and just feel like falling asleep after eating.  School.  Waking up at least 9 am every morning. No time for myself...
and when I do? I cry.

Have absolutely no idea what's wrong. Just very tired and just overthinking everything..

Music, during these moments, is really what's helping.



Can we stay here longer
Can we stay until tomorrow
Can we stay here forever
So in love with this song. The whimsical music by an under rated duo, The Woodlands.

Happy birthday to thy dear sister.

chill week finally ish

despite the issues (with commuting and such), i had a really chill and unproductive day.  Got to see my precious, bought and white leather jacket (unexpectedly), and napped.

Surprisingly, I dusted my entire room (which I haven't for like...2 years? Don't judge) and I know its so much better if I keep it up since inhaling dusty air ain't so good.  Took out the trash and also...

I bought a new air freshener! 

So happy.  I legit stood in shoppers for 20 minute and tried to figure which scent or brand to get.  Candles, canned spray, or those plug-ins or infuser and such.  In the end, I got the Febreeze scent things that you leave on your table in the scent: Fresh Meadows.

My obsession with steamed milk and hazelnut flavoring is still ongoing...

is this my third quarter life crisis?

after a really good brunch (despite not talking as much), i feel sort of weird.  This entire week, I have been so on and off about everything...constantly having little bursts of breakdowns where I just cry and feel panicked.  I guess today is where I crack a bit more.  I was told by those who saw my today that I looked very pale and sickly today, very haggard.  I wonder what's happening...especially when yesterday (Saturday) was a day of rest and anime.

Anyways, I'm starting to feel sleeping...and I still have a paper due.  To be honest, I'm at that point of no return feeling where I just want to give up.  But in the end, I don't and end up producing a pile of junk to submit.

I just want to watch a movie and read some manga.
Going to be a long day tomorrow..where I get my econ midterm back and hand in a 10% assignment.