another thursday

Another thursday of emotions and thoughts? Starting to like my thursdays despite econ lectures...because i get to think and really organize my thoughts. Finally sort of satisfied my bubble tea craving and went to swiss chalet! And movie-d.

Don't really want to make this a ranting post...but just, i feel sort of damaged even though it was a great day. The fact that you're forgotten for hours...and i thought i would be use to it by now...it still hurts.

The whatevers i say really doesn't cover it.

And regrets of saying too much...or being too much like myself. Or at least  the paranoia and doubt that i might regret. Why do i keep doing this to myself?

I need to get away. Sigh. I just wish i can fly away or teleport...someone take me away.

i did it again

no matter how much I would like to believe...I am still a child.  I keep making the same mistakes again and again.  Man, life of a big mouth.  I should just keep my mouth shut some times...

...only realizing my mistakes after.

I think my running mouth is what will get me killed one day.

Anyways, 

from what I recall, I've always loved the cold weather.  Thinking back...what of the "perfect" moments I have is when I listen to music while walking home in the snow. And not actually going home to sit on the swings or just walk around my neighbor. (Listening to Sad - Maroon 5, just feel like sharing).  Since I have met some one, I have started listening in albums.  I use to only do this to just Gazette due to a certain camels, but now...I try to experience every album as it was arranged. Anyways, what was I saying? Right. I love cold weathers.  A sad thing (haha, perfect song!) for me now is that my body can't really tolerate the cold.

To be honest, I think I should have gotten that message since I was younger.  Despite being a December baby, my immune system sort of suck.  Actually, I think in the beginning...of the three of us, I use to be the healthiest and strongest.  Now, I'm the one who get sick for weeks (or practically the whole semester, quote a certain dude in my compsci course).

Really thinking about it...my low tolerance for the cold is pretty obvious when I got my paralysis...and then sick...and now, I can barely stay warm.  Yet, my window is still open despite the night cold.  I love it...although while typing this, my fingers are frozen and numb. -sigh- This is sad. :(
Anyways, I guess I'll just rely on my heat packs in order to reunite with my beloved winter. Scarves and hats and fluffy warm jackets!

Anyone want to come over for hot cocoa with marshmallow, fluffy warm blankets, and comfort food? Message me.

that time of the semester again!

yes, it's midterm times!  Surprisingly, for the last two semester, I haven't felt that panic...which is weird.  I honestly don't know what is wrong, but I really don't feel that urgency to cram (not that I know all my material, in fact, I know nothing at all...due to the lack of attendance and concentration when I am in lecture).

Anyways, today was a day I did not shed a single tear (not even for when I yawn!).  It's weird, but I think today...despite doing mundane tasks, it was a great day for me to really appreciate what I have.  I actually spoke with every one (almost...) whom I truly value in my life.  I satisfied my craving, accomplished some of my tasks haha, and I got to listen to some music I have been meaning to get to.

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Looking back at my old blog made me feel ridiculous and silly.  I still remember that feeling, thinking I am so mature and so reasonable, as I type those rants and vent about everything in my life.  Not saying I was feeling wrong, but they were most definitely under developed.  I'm not sure about the people around me...but I am fairly impressed with how my temper has been tamed a bit and how I try to rationalize my thinking before jumping into assumptions.  Of course, my opinionated self is still present, but there is growth I tell you!

Probably a year from now, I will read this blog and be all like "-scoff- pathetic child who thinks she's a know-it-all...being all enlightened and such".

At the same time, I do love going back to my old work.  Not just for laughs, but I think it's impressive...the amount of efforts I use to put into elementary projects.  As opposed to now, one thing I really didn't like that changed...is how I am so unmotivated and lost.  It's a process we have to go through...I know.

My mind is jumping all over the place...I was thinking about typing about something related to my horoscope sign: Sagittarius.  Funny thing, I use to hate my horoscope sign 'cause I couldn't say it pronounce it properly and said: Sag-a-tor-us or something like that.  Then I just proceeded to refer to my sign as: Sag-whatever and let whoever I was talking to know it the was the ridiculously long named sign. Haha.

Reading about my sign now that I'm older made me realize how I am really like my sign...but there are aspects that puzzles me. WHY AM ME NO OPTIMISTIC? Orz.  Maybe I am truly the Ophiuchus? It hits right on my birthday!

I want a cheeseburger. Cheese Royale.

while i should be studying...

so as always, i am suppose to be studying (for the exam and midterm i have coming up in two days), but instead...i am blogging.  i did actually read almost half of my readings.

currently at school and coming to school so often has made me realized: i don't really hate it here.  at least not as much as i thought i did.
the campus, the community and the few people i met whom i truly treasure are great people...
it really makes me double think about whether i should transfer or not.

but once again, my uncertainty for a new change and towards that "supposed" goal will falter...
i'm postponing again.
there will always be plenty of excuses i can come up with in that tiny brain of mine...trying to convince myself it's for the best.
honestly, i don't know what to do.
it isn't necessarily the place and people that holds me back, but also...what i have been doing and what i am doing.  will it really be better on the other side of the fence? or is it really just an illusion and expectation i have set...

either way, i should be reading my econ.
my hammock phase has yet to past. i think it's going to be staying for the long run. time to buy the disc?
recently, my desire to purchase cds are back! and im out of a job so...yeah........

hopefully my interview went well and i will be, once again, employed.  can't believe in these last four months, i did so much more than i did in a year.  feels rewarding to actually put myself out there and really gain new experience and feel more "grown up". it is also these four months i have gotten close to people i wasn't so close to, got to know people i love even more and bridge the gap between us, and meet people who i think will be lifelong friends (until they suck..haha. jks)

time to study and listen to the hippo recite about insects. sijdfaiosjdg;aisjdl...

finally summer and I still can't stop lying to myself

Finally finished my accounting final and Frosh work is pretty much done (training on Thursday!).  We are currently about to order the volunteer and attendees shirts and most of the swag are done (I hope).  At least my part is done.

Can't believe it's finally summer and with all the extra time, I realized I have so much to do...but back to my old self again: where I am too lazy to do it.
My baking, my writing, my art, videos, photography, blogging, music, manga, anime, movies, dramas, and just about everything!

Honestly, I don't know where I want to start.

But after thinking about it for a bit...I think I'm just scared of failure...
what it my stories aren't well received?
What if I fail?

Then my dreams will be crushed...or that lil' tiny motivation I have.
I guess that's also why I tend to cram studying for my finals...
it gives me that little glimmer of to think: Well, I didn't try my best, that's why I didn't do so well. If I did try hard, I would've done better.

I think I'm most tempted to continue my writing, but all I have written were fanfictions and I really don't know how to dive in there...

-sigh- I'll keep thinking about it and probably try and blog more, not that much of this is being read.

a month since

I can't believe it's been a month since I last blogged...

It's more shocking to know that it's been a month since I've been to Vegas and finished my case competition and just now it's finals time! Time really does go by fast...but at this moment, it's very slow.
Laying in my bed still, I have been up since 11 and it feels like it's been 5 hours though it's only 1:33pm right now.

Today suppose to be my study day, but I just can't get rid of the feeling of starting something new.  I watched the movie: What to Expect When You're Expecting, a comedy, to basically cheer myself up due to a bad day at work (full of burns and just...mean customers, but also really nice ones too) and a 'scary' event that occurred too...
where the creeper came by my work place again and saw me after work, when I was heading out the washroom, but that's a story for another time.

It has also been bugging me how I stopped writing my stories now...or just writing in general since I rarely blog.  I also stopped doodling/drawing.  Nothing really is stopping me, other than laziness, but it just makes me feel like I'm not really myself.  At the same time, nothing is really pushing me to either...
and now I just want to start a new project...or multiple projects...to begin my movie reviewing again (so it will encourage me to watch movies again), to start/finish my stories and ideas, to doodling in my dream journal again (since my dreams are coming back), and to actually cook/bake and blog.

My exercise plan will come next.
So...what to do first?
I think I'll go watch a movie...and maybe study later.

:)

long awaited vacation!

have arrived at Vdara hotel in Las Vegas, Nevada.

the trip didn't start off well, but definitely ended way better.  Haven't been here since grade...4 or 5? my standards have definitely increased (haha!) and i realized there's so little time and so many things i want to do.  definitely a great place to come with friends, crashing a hotel together and going shopping + sight-seeing.

saw a random guy in a transformers bumble bee outfit while we drove by Paris Paris hotel.
Staring at the Rio hotel from our suite...

guess it's time for bed!
totally missing my bbear...

good night!