odd day for no reason in particular

All of a sudden, probably an hour or so ago, I felt so suffocated.  I legit felt like I couldn't breathe and that the air wasn't getting into my lungs...so unfresh.  I had to open my window bigger and just...all my blankets just made me felt so claustrophobic.  I don't recall this happening to me...at least not for a while in years...

I mean I had a panic ish attack where I felt so much fear and anxiety around September or so...where my paranoia creeped up on me and I was home alone.  I have no idea if I blogged about this or not, but it was the first time I started physically shaking and crouched into a fetal position against my door, unable to undress into home clothing, and started crying.  I was so scared and ending up calling someone to talk for hours and after a while, I was able to get up and stop shaking.  That night was probably the longest night...

Anyways, well, yeah, earlier I wasn't shaking...but ended up crying a bit although it wasn't out of sadness.  It wasn't stress about the upcoming midterms either...and surprisingly, despite being unprepared, I am not panicking about that yet.  I don't know...I just feel sort of numb.  -sigh- I can't wait until my trip and to get out of here for a bit...

The pressure society puts on our post-secondary education...and just the competitive atmosphere where my fellow classmates and friends are so driven in their faculty with what they do (not that there's anything wrong with that...in fact, I'm envious), but it just makes me feel so behind.  I just want to get down on what faculty I want to be in...not even about what I want to do.  Or what my hobby is...? Anyways, before I waste time and go off on a tangent like I always do, I should go back to studying. 

My obsession with this song is just insane.

a sad day and i'm not okay

So my dad left this morning, I actually woke up super early to get dressed and such in order to grab a quick breakfast with my dad before his flight.  Unfortunately, unlike the usual routine, my sister had school and my brother had school so my dad's friend dropped him off and I had to say goodbye at home...and cry at home alone.  I ended up going back to sleep, as recommended by the papa bear, and woke up to an empty house. My mom went out too when she went to drop off my dad.  The instant effects of when my dad leaves was felt once I woke up...so I lulled myself back to sleep until 2 and kept trying to sleep every time I woke up.  That is, until I couldn't sleep anymore and sort of woke up around 4 or 5pm where I began watching youtube videos...and then opened my laptop to resume my drama marathons.

Finally, around 7pm or so, I decided to eat something and sort of get out of bed.  Despite still being in bed, I am wide awake and not productive.  So much for my plans on getting back to work.  I heard from my TA and e-mailed my ex-manager about some stuff...so cut me some slack. I will just mope and be sad and lonely for today, until tomorrow's brunch and after...a hard core essay prep cramming session.

-sigh- I miss my dad.

Unexpectedly Caught in a High Fever

So last night, after running errands with my dad and having a good bonding time with him trying out tea and buying stuff (it was a whole new experience! Watching the Chinese method of tea serving), I was feeling so much better and honestly thought I was getting better too.  Unfortunately, when I got home...I felt this chill on my back and that made me feel really weird with that odd tingle.  Despite being an avid anime watching these last few days, I abandoned the readings I was suppose to do and the episode I was watching and went to bed at 9pm (which shocked Mr. A).  I went to bed shivering and dressed in fuzzy pants and a fuzzy coat, three layers of blankets, socks, surrounded by my stuffies, and a heat-pack ready to be used if needed.  After sleeping for a while, I suddenly woke up feeling like I was being burned and went downstairs to my dad to find that I am running a high fever...

So much for going to bed early! Needless to say, I had a fever after sleeping for two hours in and ended up staying downstairs.  I had to drink the awful NeoCitron and, thankfully, had some congee made for me while I caught up on How I Met Your Mother and Community.  Ah, the Dean definitely made me feel soooo much better, hahaha.  I miss the Dean...and definitely, this new season has such a odd atmosphere to it...and these depressing events happening. I can never stop feeling CHANGed out by the CHANG. Ugh! And I feel there is a lack of Dean appearances.  Anyways, after a painfully long night...and being stuck at home all day (ruining my hopes of seeing Mr. A), I feel much better now and surprisingly, did end up doing one module for co-op (the one I missed last night after finishing my Compsci lab!) and did my discussion post for Cmns 110.

Time for a little anime and bed time!