New Beginnings

First blog post in the New Year!

As cliche as it is...and although I know the New Year tends to be over rated, I am excited to start all over.
This is all just kind of an excuse for people, like me, to tell ourselves we have a fresh start when every next day is technically a new start anyways. I am a little derpy at the moment, so hopefully whatever I type will still be sort of coherent.

I was and am excited for what 2015 will hold for me. Oh, Happy New Year!
I haven't blogged for a while...still sort of out of it.
I tried tumblr-ing, but that didn't work out well.  I also tried just writing in a journal...and that didn't work out well either.  So, I will try and blog here once in a while.

Already, the new year has been amazing.

I decided to set New Year Resolutions for myself and so far...I've completed two?  I feel very blessed and happy I got to celebrate the last day with friends & loved ones and counted down with family (ish).  That was amazing and definitely different from my usual stay-at-home-in-bed-by-myself routine I do during Christmas and New Years.  In these last four days of the New Year...I learned to snowboard and I got to meet someone new.

I discovered how fun, refreshing, and thrilling night boarding is.  It's amazing how not only did I learn to snowboard and did it during the morning (taking a morning bus and seeing the sunrise with friends...felt like a field trip in elementary!), but I got to snowboard at night.  The view was spectacular and the people...the people were amazing.  It was fun: filled with laughter and bruises!

While I am still suffering from a sore body and bruises covering everywhere...I got to meet someone important today.  One of my close friend introduced me to someone special and I still can't stop smiling.  It's such an honor I got to spend the day with them, getting to know them better and not just hear about her from him.  Played monopoly deal, Wii Mario Party, ate xlb and shanghai food, got bubble tea, and watched one of my favorite movies.  Made me so happy how much they enjoyed my recommendation and that they enjoy hearing my movie rant and all that! (I feel cool, yay! Reputation intact!) Today was just awesome.  All my nerves I had building up yesterday died.

I know school starts soon, but I just can't wait to see what happens.  Already, I have a few dates made for the upcoming few days and I just can't help but feel excitement! I also can't stop thinking about night boarding and feeling honored.  Gahh!!
I also need to stop my shopaholic-ness though.  Oh my gosh, don't get me started! ...I did another haul last night and now I am patiently looking out for a snowboarding jacket, goggles, gloves, and some base layers!
-sigh- That is definitely an issue! Must save up!

I just want to express my appreciation for everyone (who will not read this blog, haha) for making my winter break so amazing.  I learned a lot of about the magic of the Christmas atmosphere and the importance of giving! This year was definitely focused on giving and my attempt to make things more personalized.  Hopefully, my goal to reach everyone's feels worked. (:

Time for a new start to this year! Going to be crazy, but I can't wait to stack myself with lots of work and snowboard + be healthy (since I fat this winter!).


Good night,

J

odd day for no reason in particular

All of a sudden, probably an hour or so ago, I felt so suffocated.  I legit felt like I couldn't breathe and that the air wasn't getting into my lungs...so unfresh.  I had to open my window bigger and just...all my blankets just made me felt so claustrophobic.  I don't recall this happening to me...at least not for a while in years...

I mean I had a panic ish attack where I felt so much fear and anxiety around September or so...where my paranoia creeped up on me and I was home alone.  I have no idea if I blogged about this or not, but it was the first time I started physically shaking and crouched into a fetal position against my door, unable to undress into home clothing, and started crying.  I was so scared and ending up calling someone to talk for hours and after a while, I was able to get up and stop shaking.  That night was probably the longest night...

Anyways, well, yeah, earlier I wasn't shaking...but ended up crying a bit although it wasn't out of sadness.  It wasn't stress about the upcoming midterms either...and surprisingly, despite being unprepared, I am not panicking about that yet.  I don't know...I just feel sort of numb.  -sigh- I can't wait until my trip and to get out of here for a bit...

The pressure society puts on our post-secondary education...and just the competitive atmosphere where my fellow classmates and friends are so driven in their faculty with what they do (not that there's anything wrong with that...in fact, I'm envious), but it just makes me feel so behind.  I just want to get down on what faculty I want to be in...not even about what I want to do.  Or what my hobby is...? Anyways, before I waste time and go off on a tangent like I always do, I should go back to studying. 

My obsession with this song is just insane.