Friday, March 30, 2012

a walk to remember

was looking through my past 'like' and 'favourites' on youtube and after watching a few videos, i got to A Walk to Remember -- and found this.

by the way, i have yet opened my new CD, Camel :) waiting for you.
i check my email every day.  just lately, my time has been messed up.

i think yeah, i'm getting more sick again.  been having constant headaches -- i think going outside 6am in the morning and waiting for my bus with wet hair isn't good idea.
more time to sleep > blow drying hair

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

i love eggs

I just recently remembered this, my sister showed this to me years ago (back in elementary) and I remember being so addicted to it.

There's actually an official Korean-English site for this franchise (with cartoons and all). Link below:

happier posts

decided to post happier stuff instead of ranting.

especially since more stress will be coming around the corner right after art exam.

cute commercials 8) turns out they're beans. HAHA! I was so addicted to these after seeing them in between anime episodes.

Saturday, March 24, 2012

tired, so tired.

kept postponing to figure out how to fix my insomnia and some other issues. :\

but the sleepless night did help me finish editing some art photos.
still need to get about three more projects finished, hopefully. (1 - 2 video?)
need to start my history homework, english, japanese and math. -sigh-

yeah, every year i tell myself not to procrastinate, but i always do.

oh and i have biology. -sigh-

kind of got over a crisis i guess,
more problems to come when school starts...
when the after effects of the crisis really hits.

head hurts and the back of my wrist have been itchy.
hope i'm not allergic to something... D:
don't need more problems, problem.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

for five hours

today, tonight, i realized the power of words.
the importance of last words.

glass shards all over the black pavement.
blue and red flashing lights surrounding everything.
air bags deflated. 1/4 of a bumper way off where it should be.

my heart pounded. i felt my stomach churn.
tears threatening to fall. it was hard to breathe. it was cold.

men asking questions.
i keep trying to look for answers but bits and pieces were blocking.

my tears finally streamed down my cheeks.
a sigh of relief as i saw that my imagination was wrong.
my worse nightmare did not occur.

five hours in the hospital emergency room.

finally home.

last words...

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

i think ; . . .

the moment you feel most alone, like you're the only one out and no one understands you, is not when you are alone in a room...
but when you're in a crowd of people, but you don't feel 'together'.

i think this disconnected feeling from people makes you feel so deserted and isolated. its unbearable.

guess it makes sense, right?

seeing everyone laughing and happy, but you're unable to feel the same or connect the same way.  it's an 'in-your-face-you-lonely-person' slap across your cheeks.

the isolation you have to experience though you're an arms reach away from another being, another connection.  whereas on the other hand, if you are physically can always think that it's because no one is around and you're alone.
but that idea, the little sparkle, that if there was someone to be with you, then you won't be alone...kind of makes you feel like it's not you, but it's the universe's fault.

in a crowd, that disconnection with everyone...there's no running away from the fact that there is something wrong with you because you can't connect...or there's something wrong with you because you're being excluded.

i think that's the most unbearable loneliness one can feel. at least this is what i think.

Monday, March 12, 2012

Friday, March 9, 2012


don't think i can do this anymore.

to ease the soul and hold on, i go to nell.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

was waiting.

feeling so numb. was waiting...for anyone. just a call, a knock, a message, an e-mail, a text, anything...

anything and i would've been able to let go and deny everything.

by 12:17, everything will be okay.

i really need you right now

Another insight

I think this is an insightful insider opinion that should be taken into consideration.

It has been bothering me a lot of how many people keep making the African people or the citizens of third world country seem so pitiful and helpless.  For a while, I have been trying to tell some people around me that I think they want to be treated the same as everybody else and that they want to fix their own problems too.  Many people pity the unfortunate and make them seem like they can't do anything themselves when that really isn't the case.  The African people does not need our pity, our support may be needed, but we can't treat them like they're something else, different than us, and powerless.

Makes me feel relieved to hear someone from Africa who has witness the situation (in this case, Kony's effect) say that they do not want to be seen as helpless, which is something that has been happening for years.
This is one of the reasons why I hate the World Vision ads...


Wednesday, March 7, 2012

words are floating

think my expectations of too high.

would like to make a note about the Invisible Children group

Although I think it's great that awareness for the Kony movement is growing each day, personally, I don;t believe one should mindlessly donate.

I still have yet to do research on the Invisible Children group so I have not yet donated.  I think before you donate or support a foundation, research should really be made.  Is all your money going to the cause you want it to go? Or will it just be going to more advertising and to pay the 'volunteers'?

I think it's issues like these that makes me very skeptical about donating.  For instance, to me, I think World Vision is really just for show.  More than half the money is going towards the hours-long advertisements they broadcast on television in order to tickle our sympathetic side and draw money from our wallets.  Perhaps the money is going to the kids in need, but how much of it?  I feel that all the money that my family has donated is going towards the plane ticket for the volunteer and for THEIR food and for the pamphlets, the advertisements, the photographs, the postcards, and all the media outlets they use.  I feel that we are funding their ads and not necessary supporting the people in need of help.

I guess that's why, to me, helping at World Vision is really a phoney.  I feel like it;s just for show.  It's just so I can say: "Oh my gosh, I help at world vision and I'm raising awareness!" when I'm not really doing anything...
Just using a big company name to make my resume look good.

A little harsh, but that's the harsh reality of these big support groups.  They're only big because they make us sympathize through the ads we're, in a sense, paying. If not, why do we 'select' a child?  I want to help the children so they are able to have privileges all children should have access to, so what different does it make for me to choose which kid I want to help?  Choose a child who looks 'better' and abandon the other? Choose a child because he/she looks more sympathetic?  We should not be choosing.  We should be helping.

Using their situation and further emphasizing on their unfortunates in order to draw more money from that really helping the situation?

Just kind of want to point that out to whoever reads this, just so we're not throwing money at big companies for rich people to swim in...but rather actually support the cause we intentionally wanted to support.

Research who you are donating to and what you are supporting before jumping the bandwagon.
The intention of arresting Kony and helping the Child Soldiers is a good start.  But is supporting the Invisible Children group and bringing military intervention to a country where the government is in doubt really what you want to throw your money at?

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Kony 2012

realized i didn't blog this, but hopefully you guys have already seen this.


Sunday, March 4, 2012


L'Odyssée de Cartier

don't know how to describe ( * ^ * )~ still in awe--

i love you.

one month and another off my wishlist.  :)




Even though we haven't spoken to each other for weeks, you are always in my heart.  At the back of my mind, i will always remember that although we are not seeing each other physically, we always have a some sort of connection with each other.  Through music, dance, and art, i feel our friendship connected and our common interest and love makes me feel closer to you! Through this blog, i feel like i am still able to talk to you although i can't always see you.

Most of all, I just want to thank you.  Your replies are what lets me know you hear me and they help me get through some hard times many people probably don't know that i'm going through.  I have mentioned this before, but your words really do help me so much, much more than you think.  :)

thank you.