Lest we Forget

week with my uncle here

Due to a huge misunderstanding my uncle is coming on Friday, not Tuesday...I changed my work schedule and now I ended up working every day from Tuesday, Wednesday, and Friday (the days I don't have school). In the end, I ended up going out every day...until late. Well, all in all, I wasn't really about to take my uncle around like I intended to.

At least last night I was able to eat king Crab and Peking Duck! It was delicious and my uncle's treat.  Another failure was...due to my constant debit card usage, I'm not able to treat my uncle to a meal either
-sigh- I'm not sure if my constant debit usage is good or bad...I guess I don't exactly like carrying cash around much these days.  Main thing is, after the amazing dinner, I took a walk with my uncle and got to chat with him...it was awesome especially since I'm socially awkward these few days...

...And knowing me, I love hearing "stories" and just people's opinions and life stories.  It was great getting to talk to him in a deeper level..hearing his input on things as well as his perspective on the Cultural Revolution, as opposed to my dad's since my dad was young back then.  I like talking to my dad and my uncle, haha.

Anyways, it just got me thinking I should reflect more.  Reflect on how to improve, rather than only on my negatives or the negatives in general.  And I really need to start searching for what I love...and stop floating around idly.  Knowing my personality, I hate not knowing...but because of my personality, I get bored so easily.  I just can't put my heart to anything...and my lack of confidence and fear of failure made me turn away opportunities I should've and could've taken.

I also need to change my lifestyle...get back to my exercising since my back has been aching like crazy, save up for my trip, learn to give people distance -ahem- I mean you, if you're reading, and learn to appreciate in a way which is not when everything is too late and I have caused a mess.
Hopefully this desire to change will go through. -sigh-

so dead tomorrow

dead tired, but can't fall asleep because I chugged down a bottle of those Starbucks Vanilla Frappuccino during my lunch break in preparations for an intense night cramming session for my second econ midterm that will be worth 25%...which I learned/realized last night.

I. Am. So. Dead.

A part of me, just a few moments ago, considered...what if I was wrong? What if there isn't a midterm tomorrow? Oh my gosh..the sad life. So fail -cries-
All I got is music.  Chubchub and my rainbow, can't keep them up too long.
-sigh- I want to read manga.

Kind of hungry..

tuesday night music

the rare moments of appreciation i have

If you read my blog for some time, or if you know me in person for quite a while, it's quite obvious that my personality is not really the appreciative type.  Maybe that's the wrong way to put it...I guess it's more like, I have a stronger desire for what I don't have.  Despite knowing my current position in life is "near-perfect" where I have an education, friendship, love, and everything important...I am still at such a wrecked state.

Although I am thankful of what I have, I tend to look at things in a perspective where the flaws are more emphasized and I get upset over that.  Thus, I turn towards elsewhere to search for something I don't have...and yearn for it.  Until this moment, like now, hits me and I realize even if I get what I yearn for...it's not complete and won't complete my desire.  What I seek for isn't not what I want...I want it...but I know when I get it, I will not be happy and will regret what I have to do to attain it...or who I have become by the end of it.

I guess patience is a virtue.  I need to sit it out and wait until it's the right time.  Not necessarily not do anything about what I want, but rather...wait until I know for certain I am ready for what I want and not act on irrationality.  I have to stop acting on instincts and just give in to the rare occasions of reason I  get.

Time to keep doing my homework.  Why do I do this to myself?

moving on to my other music phases

The phase of music I'm in right now has moved again.  I have a feeling French is next...ah, Edith Piaf...how I miss you.  Anyways, I have been doing some thinking just a while ago and thinking about how my music interest changes with my life. Many times, I am impressed with the main people of my life and how they put up with me and the many calls I give them at random times of the night...

My bi-polar tendencies ticks myself off...and in general, it's just hard to stay constant and relevant to me or my life.  Really, it isn't the people, but myself.  I guess that's why there's so many that come and go because I do push people subtly at times...
I have no idea what I'm saying, but I'm in an emotional wreck, especially knowing I'm in the process of losing something special to me.


Oh, Mr. Darcy. ~

Anyways, was also looking at my course selection and I think I have found my third course.  A communication course that shouldn't be too hard and might actually be pretty okay of a course to take! Other than the last hour, today was awesome.  Satisfied my cravings and got to walk in the rain. A day at home with my papa bear, sort of, was what I needed...lazing on the couch with chubchub? Oh, yes.

So much homework, I guess I should get started!

bad ish good day

"Oh, but that one night
was more than just right.
I didn't leave you
cause I was all through.
Oh, I was overwhelmed
and frankly scared as h*ll
Because I really fell for you"

Planning on having an extremely lone day, ended up bumping to some people from the "past" or at least not really in the present and it was awesome seeing familiar faces.  I don't know, but it definitely brought up some feelings that make me miss the old times for sure.  Good times.

Feeling sort of mellow today, other than that moment of frustration during some point of the day. Really hate the effect you have on me to be honest.  Shouldn't exactly be as effected by everything than I have and that definitely caught me off guard.

Feel so restless and definitely lacking rest.  Was told my eye bags are awful and I can see closely my eyes are red-ish, along with two new grown pimple on my freakin' face that irks me.  Oh, did I mention a new pressure factor next week? Not necessarily meant to give me pressure...but I still feel panic.  Or it's just me..

I also got my first direct deposit paycheque! No splurging yet...Need new laptop. Not that my baby isn't awesome, but it's sort of failing on me.
Also want to appreciate the fact that it's so obvious my dad is home when there's warm soup waiting for me...despite my disappointment that it's been the third time in a row where I haven't eaten with my papa bear yet. -sigh-

Anyways, good night!