Sunday, September 30, 2012

dont know how i feel...

but i cant focus.

cant do anything right now, and keep thinking.
thinking about how it's been a while since i last touched my scientific calculator...
thinking about how my little mini fan is pretty loud...
thinking about us...
thinking about argentina...
thinking about leaving. now.
thinking about my 102 projects...
thinking about tomorrow...
thinking about tomorrow morning...
i cant think straight.

even the beautiful hammock instrumental can't save me...
i feel myself panicking already...
not good.
not a a good sign at all...

getting goosebumps, chills, teary eyes.
all coming out at once.
ah, my stomach gurgled.  at least im not alone in this feeling...

wish i could be at nuit blanche

so close to disappearing.

lost in this white smoke

sometimes...i really don't know what i'm doing...
what do i want?

why do i react like this?
and then burst into tears.
and the shadows creep in...
they begin to swarm in, covering the little wisps of gray

lost in this white smoke.
lost in this abyss
slowly leaving..

her name is calla - pour more oil

i began chuck-ing again.
right before my midterm...i think it's back to old habits.

happy 8 months!

time to finish up the homeworks and readings.
it's mid-autumn festival; 中秋節快樂!

hopefully tomorrow/today will be better. yay to math! :(

Saturday, September 29, 2012

coldplay makes it all better

been listening non-stop to this album...
through homework and naps.

i realized, despite the danger, i like opening my window and just feeling the cool air rush into my room.  haha, yeah, i am exposing myself to becoming sick...but i guess it's worth it.
that feeling makes me think it's all worth it.

you know...
that moment when everything is perfect.
the weather, the sky, the view, the music.
like you're at the right place on the right time.
that's when i think: i'm so glad to be alive right now.

the feelings music arrouses

Friday, September 28, 2012

first midterm coming up

midterms and projects are all coming up.
while half of my courses does not require me to take a final and midterms, i do have major projects (like the two photos that is worth 15-20% of my entire semester) and presentations for them.

at first, i was excited since i though it would be a piece of cake.  guess not.
the pressure...and the idea of having so much of your mark depend on two photographs...
the grading is subjective and could easily alter both ways depending on a person's style and taste.

this is a good experience after all though.
glad i don't need to cram study, but at the same time...learn to pace my time and leave enough space to finish up these projects.

will be beginning my change towards a healthy lifestyle tomorrow, today?
time to find a hobby!

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

there's a lot of flaws

i know i have a lot of flaws, and i have been some one not myself.  im not exactly the happiest,
but i just want to hear some one say i don't need to change who i really am...that this isn't really who i am. just a phase.

despite my flaws,
i'm still alright...right?

do i really need to change?

my 20% project: a diptych

(c) pockymeji

Monday, September 24, 2012

attempting to re-connect with the world

after spending the summer kind of alone and dealing with my own problems,
(and also the first few weeks of school)
i'm hoping to re-connect with some people. probably won't get to every one, but least i'm trying?

don't need more people to worry about me...and i guess it's ironic how i'm locking myself in my own world when i wrote a world lit paper last year on how humans need physical interaction, haha.

the period of isolation did help me think a lot.  about what has happened this past years: how has these events help me grow and help the relationships around me either strengthen or fall, how i would have been, and how i am now.
this period of isolation really just let me have some time alone and to be more independent, at least physically commuting to school and just not clinging to that same "familiar" and ignoring the new people around me, the new adventures.
i guess this is probably one of the good thing about the choices i made, i am forced to interact and work with new people since absolutely no one is at where i am.  it's all good now i guess.

still haven't found myself, still haven't finish dealing with everything, still haven't figure out all my problems or get to them, but for now...i'm good.

time to re-connect! :)

I'm back!

Sunday, September 23, 2012

the face of a sumo wrestler :(

face is still swollen, but really should get homework done! even if i'm not going to my only class, math, tomorrow...i need to get my projects done!

i technically have been skipping my one hour math lectures as my math 100 class is basically a repeat of the last two years in IB math. doing all the homework assignments and readings, just not commuting back and forth to surrey and from in order to sit for a 50 minute lecture that isn't as long as my commuting time itself!

not the best excuse, but i think i should do homework.

hopefully i can start my math homework today though...and not rush it wednesday night along with my 102 and 100 projects...

decided to get my butt off my bed and outta the house so i won't be tempted to continue my antm cycles watching...thinking about week instead of math and photography and logo designs!
a list of what i need to do:
1. need to finish my 102 readings to do my 102 quiz by 7pm tonight!
2. begin my math assignment
3. do my 100 readings
4. finish my 102 assignment/readings
5. start my 102 branding book
6. make my 102 logo before starting my branding book
7. do pre lab for 106 and catch up on readings/lecture i missed - 106 homework! ***
8. finish my 100 project
9. finish printing all my deliverables for 102 project
10. catch up on all readings, argh!!

sigh, i should get my to-do list priority straight.  definitely starting with 102 quiz/readings first since my deadline is in three hours! starving to death, but must get through this!!
then will look at math and get a start and finish my 106 homework and pre-lab. you got this, joyce, you got this!

think i will rant about being lost another day...for now, i just need to focus. get in the zone and not think about my stitches exploding my gums and bleeding every where from infection. dang, i'm gross.
btw, andy, your matcha latte is okay. i think mine is better.

i should photograph my lattes... anywyas, FOCUS - you sumo-faced slacking poop! :O

Saturday, September 22, 2012

wisdom teeth extracted!

swollen cheeks now and makes me feel fat, like McDull haha.

could feel the stitches in my gums and i still bandage over the wound from the sedation shot.  turns out, based on what my sister said, i was very dizzy and confused yesterday. half the time i was talking, i didn't make any sense and was repeating myself again and again haha.

anwyays, at least it's over.

hopefully, no infections -crosses fingers- and like...i can focus and do some homework.
still feeling very drowsy and i am hoping i can at least do some readings tonight. haha.

lots of homework piling up! midterms coming up and i'm freaking out since i have 5 shifts these upcoming two weeks.
more money to save up for present ;) but still, tiresome :(

Friday, September 21, 2012

wisdom teeth extraction tomorrow!

can't believe it's the 21st now...technically since it's 12:17

no eating and drinking anything (not even water) until tomorrow after my extraction. -sigh- so hungry. probably a really bad idea to have salty seaweed haha.

kind of nervous and scared, but it should be alright since i'm sedated.

Will probably blog tomorrow. been having a rough time...since all my projects are starting to be due and are coming up these few weeks! so lost - and work!

going to watch another episode of a drama and sleep.
glee is back and it's entertaining to be honest. :)

Monday, September 17, 2012

university starts

at the moment, i have been trying to balance university and work at the same time. went to work today and im up this late although i have class at 930 and need to bus at 820 ish, i am trying to rush my readings despite being so tired from work.

really enjoy my job and just talking to all these people! one of the customers today complimented on my baby-g watch and said it was unique since it was square shaped, very different...turns out, when he learned it was baby-g, he told me his friend was a watch designer! he actually designed for baby-g before!

a quick update...
i will be getting my wisdom teeth (2 of them) removed this friday.  hopefully, all goes well despite the weird situation i am in.  decided to get sedation since im really freaking out.

ive also been quite emotional lately. i really have no idea. no, it's not the time of the was just...every thing? i had a breakdown for a bit.  just really made me wonder what i want to do, what am i doing, and i don't know...i'm just sad to see every one move on..and seem like they know what they're doing. becoming doctors, studying international business, and going into emily carr.
what am i doing?

after reading reviews, talking to my sister and dad...decided to minor in business.

i will really try and update my blog more often? haha. just to have a stress relieve, i suppose.  i really need that..
as for my social life, i realized i have closed myself up and kind of became a loner, sadly.  i enjoy my time alone, working, and just going home right after class.  not the best time...but really is great self reflecting time and way to think about everything...and just relax.  of course, since no one i know is in iat with me...or the only two people on the surrey campus with me is in different faculty with different time schedules...i am forced to speak to other people and make new friends to work as lab partners. i know for sure i am bound to make friends...but for now, i love my independence.

just miss andy, that's all. and you...