a little bit of myself returns

i haven't really been feeling like myself since university started.

actually,
i haven't really been myself around grade 10?

i know every one changes...i feel that i have kind of closed in a little and held back.  to some, i still seem very strong headed and straight forward. very outgoing and strong willed...opinionated and some times come on too strong.
i guess that's probably the impression still for the last year of high school.

as for university,
i feel that i have closed in even more.
today, my dad told me when i was younger - a few years back - i had so much confidence. i was very outgoing...and just radiated out happiness.
do i still now?

i haven't felt like myself. i feel like this is all just a facade.
the outgoing side people see these few months were so hard...
i felt like some one else watching what i was doing. no control.

i think i have started feeling like this for a while.
no bursts of emotions any more.
no rushes of desire to do anything.
just doing. just being.
just going with the flow? in a sort of way where i don't feel like i'm controlling my body.

i'm honestly asking...how do i feel like myself again?

starting anime again and re doing what i use to do.
music does bring back some feelings to me. feelings i use to feel over music.
so here's the new nell album to share.
thank you, nell, for this amazing experience...for letting me feel...alive.

(white night just brings me to tears and the music video is amazing. i just feel so exhilarated).