huge hole in my heart

now that my dad's gone, feel this huge hole in my heart.
i always like spending my day lying in bed, watching How I Met Your Mother or just reading some mangas and fanficitions...

i love sleeping in, especially now that school is about to start.

but today, i woke early and forced myself to continue to sleep. i woke up feeling all hot and sweaty. i woke up, but continued to lie in bed, wondering what i should do and had no motivation to do anything. i dragged myself to shower and went downstairs to eat the rest of the food my dad made. i sat down to watch tv with a pounding headache (no idea why).

everything i did seemed so boring (probably is), but i just miss my dad. my sister was out and my brother was gaming and my mom was out. things just aren't the same.

even though when my dad is here, he would just sit there, on the couch, or smoke outside in the garage and not talk to me...he was there and it was just something i liked. now that he's gone and i can do the same things, it's just so different. -sigh- i miss my dad. been years now and every time he leaves, i always feel sad and cry. D:

now that school is about to start. every day is going to be so empty and tedious. i already am feeling 'it'...the feeling i get when i'm like this. where the days go by so slow and boring, but so fast at the same time - making it empty and makes me feel like i am doing nothing and did nothing.

(thanks for calling me today, totally helped. if you didn't, i would have had no contact with the 'outside world' this entire day. would've been sulking in bed with a grumpy frown and probably cry myself to sleep).