what i want.

I really don't know what I want. I hate how I'm being so undeceisive about everything. Like how when I had to choose my IB courses, I don't know what to take: Geo or History? Bio HL or Chem HL? I don't know what I wanted to do in the future: Lawyer or Surgeon. Because of my unknown choices, I decided to take 'everything'. Now I need to take Physics during the summer so I can go into the science department. Basically, I'm taking all 3 sciences.

I feel so troubled.

What do I want? What if, in the end of everything, I don't want to be a lawyer OR surgeon. What if I fail everything? Both Law and Science. Sigh.

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Aside from education, I'm actually really scared. Valentine's day is coming and last last PE class, I overheard X talking. He was talking to Yammy and his friend about how he is planning to confess to the person he likes and Yammy suggested he should buy a rose. Just hearing the word 'confess' made me ran faster, away from them. Afterwards he asked me what class I had. That gave me hope that it might be me, but what if it isn't? He's giving me false hope and that's the worst thing ever. I wish I never heard anything.

To add up to my problems, I don't know what I want. Do I really want him to confess to me? How should I respond? I don't even know if I want a boyfriend, my first boyfriend, nor do I know if I like him enough to accept him. I barely know anything about him. I shouldn't even think about these things since I don't know whether it is me or not. I'm giving myself false hope.

I've been in confusion and somewhat depression these days. I have some friends telling me I should give up on because: he doesn't match me, I could do better and things like that. Am I really better? He probably won't even like me if he realizes I'm such an on/off moody person.

Here's a song that sounds so soothing to me at the moment. (From Dear John.):

Life house
By: Amanda Seyfried