goals && promises

Been trying to keep my focus on what I said I will do. So far, it's not really working.  I've been doing things that aren't top priority rather than keeping up with my readings and working on homework.
After this, I will start...

I will have to start or I'm going to regret it and resent myself.

Starting to feel more and more numb.

The promises I made in the past, I realized, I can't really uphold...
at least so far, I haven't been able to keep them - which is so unfortunate. Not that I break all of them, but come to think of it, I just feel like it's going to be a regret that will stick to me for a long time...
Since I can't keep my own promises, I realized it is so unfair of me to expect others to keep mine...to even have such high expectations.

It's not that I have too high of an expectation anymore...
or that people aren't keeping up to it,
but rather...who am I to set these expectations? Who am I to expect anything when I can't even do them myself...when I shouldn't be expecting anything, but rather feel blessed for anything to happen?

Admist these thoughts...I have lost myself.
Where did my spirit go? Where did my stubborn self go?
Where's the backbone?

I'm weak.