midterms, again, gah

butterflies in my stomach just thinking about it...
but --


after 5cm per second, how can i not be excited?
okay, back to studying.
-sigh- i think it's time i get back to my old self and anime again? not that drama-ing isn't me...i just sort of miss the anime me. don't know if i can do both. time to try again!
i feel so outdated :(

ohmygosh, now i want to watch 5cm per second. i remember raving about it here before...ish
and to myself... :')
and then listening to the song again and again.

BACK TO STUDYING!

connection

numb and sigh

feel so disconnected.
so numb.

4 days of pure bad luck. just thinking about it makes me feel so "che".
what has happened to my infamous luck?

feeling lonely...
hammock music  to keep me company.
through the nightmares and nausea.
feels like im rocking in a boat. so seasick, makes me puke.
feeling so hungry, but full.

so much studying.
but mind is so numb.
at least im done crying now. time to focus...ish
hang on until the first one is over at least.

wonder if this numbness will go away?
maybe then, my feet will stop feeling so weird and my ear will stop ringing.

speaking of ears, i want another set of piercings.
speaking of piercings, i need a new stud.
speaking of stud,
i need to find a titanium one...

the new age

can hear my dad snore...

from the floor abive, i hear him snore.
can't sleep,but really going to miss him.

:'(

a little depressed

treated family to a sushi dinner,
but listening to my papa bear talk...made me a little depressed because i know it's true.
he was telling my sibling and i how we should treasure our time together now
because in a few years...when we have our own families,
as annoying as we are to each other,
we will only see each other a few times a year.
and how things have changed...
back then,
my little brother would just laugh and be the happiest kid in the world just because of a hug from my dad.
he was so adorable in his blue winnie-the-pooh tank top. chubby and all.

now,
we're all grown up.
going out on our own.
he was telling us how it's so hard to get us together.
and how when my little bro is old enough, he won't be around here as much and just stay back in Hong Kong.  Although i know staying back in HK will make him happier,
a part of me can't help, but be so upset.
who will cheer me up at times when i'm having a break down?
feed me?
just sit with my out in the garage and talk or just...sit.

found myself listening to the old music i use to love (something i often due once in a while) and remembering the feeling i get when i listen to the song before...
the situation i was in..the moods and the stuff i was into (anime hardcore).
i guess that's why i love music...the feelings i had attached to a song before will always stay attached.

changing changes

change happens between two people when both changes...
if one evolve while the other doesn't,
nothing happens. but more demons.
if both changes,
then the two will evolve together.

if one moves forward while the other is reluctant
its the same. demons.
if both agree to move forward, but one one does...
demons.

change in a person is effective after time.
taking the first step is always hard,
especially for me.
but i'm trying now...trying this time...
for them.
is it truly acknowledged and appreciated?

wow, my hands are so veiny...

it's time to re-evaluate the situation.
think of a different approach.
for both to think of a different way.
for the tries to matter.
i need to stop holding on to the past some times...

so tired, but i gotta do my readings. 2:09AM...just like old times.