If you read my blog for some time, or if you know me in person for quite a while, it's quite obvious that my personality is not really the appreciative type. Maybe that's the wrong way to put it...I guess it's more like, I have a stronger desire for what I don't have. Despite knowing my current position in life is "near-perfect" where I have an education, friendship, love, and everything important...I am still at such a wrecked state.
Although I am thankful of what I have, I tend to look at things in a perspective where the flaws are more emphasized and I get upset over that. Thus, I turn towards elsewhere to search for something I don't have...and yearn for it. Until this moment, like now, hits me and I realize even if I get what I yearn for...it's not complete and won't complete my desire. What I seek for isn't not what I want...I want it...but I know when I get it, I will not be happy and will regret what I have to do to attain it...or who I have become by the end of it.
I guess patience is a virtue. I need to sit it out and wait until it's the right time. Not necessarily not do anything about what I want, but rather...wait until I know for certain I am ready for what I want and not act on irrationality. I have to stop acting on instincts and just give in to the rare occasions of reason I get.
Time to keep doing my homework. Why do I do this to myself?
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