it's during the times of need...

when you figure out who truly cares and who doesn't.  it's during the times of need when the people, who actually love and worry for you, step out and lend you a hand.

after being in high school for the 5th year now, i thought i knew who were my friends and who wasn't.  i thought my ideas of who cares and who doesn't was already figured out.
but when i really needed help and try to look for help from those people i thought would help, i realized i was wrong.  after being denied, i would always get upset and slightly angry because of this shock. i know not everyone has to help you out and it's an honor if they do, but knowing that i am wrong about who i think cares about me after being with these people for 5 years..kind of upsetting.

of course, it is times like these when the people you never really noticed because they don't seem like your 'best  friend' or whatever the term is, they reach out.  again, i would also experience shock and feel like i want to cry.
really thankful for those people around me.  those unexpected surprises that just makes my day.

an now, i feel like i need to re-evaluate my thinking.  i somewhat love it when i'm incorrect and it's because of something unexpected that has proven me to be incorrect.  this year, i feel like i'm learning so much more about myself, my interests and my personality.
i thought i knew, but guess i was wrong...
even though i don't know what specific career i want to pursue, like how i use to want to be a surgeon for sure, i now feel like i know what i'm interested. still on the path of finding out what it really is, but through this, i'm learning more about myself and feeling more certain than i did when i was focused on 'surgeon'.

time to sleep, survived on nothing but a cup of coffee on an empty stomach.
there goes my health!