Like most people, or most people I know, I am broke from Christmas shopping. I have been told that those who shop for Christmas earlier on in the year feel the effects of Christmas less...at least it won't be a huge blow like this...I probably spent $300-$400 on Christmas shopping, excluding the baking.
This is mostly due to winter babies and probably the increase in people I am gifting, such as co-workers, as opposed to the year before. I also feel like, after such an awkward year last year, I wanted to make it up to some people with a better Christmas gifting.
Anyways, in order to somehow help out my crazy splurging the from the last few weeks of December (and the future spendings), I stayed home these last two days. I have been eating out way too much...probably all the money I earned from my part time with CUPE is gone...Anyways, eating at home and such is definitely a money saver. Eating out so much, I feel broke.
What did I do the last two days? With my digesting issues ongoing...the first day, I had a horrible time with a headache from the moment I woke up. Refusing to take Advil, I roamed around house like a ghost to bother my dad. I also spent quality blanket time with my stuffies like Chubchub and bother people via my cellphone. Today, I basically did the same, minus the extreme headache.
I think I probably most happy with today is actually getting out of bed and going to my closet and wardrobe to empty out old clothes for donation. There are a few pieces I was reluctant to donate due to some sentimental feelings towards them, but I let go...knowing I won't wear them...such as my childhood PJs and such. I also watched many movies: Painted Skin, Painted Skin 2, Ip Man, Stephen Chow's The God of Cookery, Stephen Chow's Tricky Master, Spy Kids All the Time in the World, Hero, and Infernal Affairs 3. Think I spent my days well. Feeling the anime mood coming on or something Japanese related...time to ease back into dramas and such.
Long day tomorrow! Good night, after an episode of Persona. :)
Hopefully I will keep up my blog.
Saturday, December 28, 2013
Tuesday, December 3, 2013
Untouchable - VAIN and last day of school
After Untouchable's members left to serve in the army...my obsession with KPOP just disappeared. Especially with DBSK disbanding and then BIGBANG changing so much, I ended up heading towards Taiwanese music again (now Japanese ish again). Well, it was classical...despite my soft spot, always, for Nell.
Now, Untouchable is back. With a touch of reggae and the distinct voice of the rapper in the front. Can't help, but fall in love with the sexy sounding music -laughs- I love their rap a lot. Such soulful rapping...and cool MV (or I'm just bias)
I haven't blogged in a while, but today was the last day of classes. Officially free from classes, but real freedom is 3 finals from now. After the 10th, I'll be done. Maybe just work, but still. I need to start saving up for my trips! Watch me work my butt off since I've been such a shopaholic lately and oh my gosh, Christmas shopping -sigh- going broke.
By the way, got a new laptop. Coming on Thursdays! -cheers- Time for bed since I slept at 4:30am last night to finish up the group essay.
Good night.
Now, Untouchable is back. With a touch of reggae and the distinct voice of the rapper in the front. Can't help, but fall in love with the sexy sounding music -laughs- I love their rap a lot. Such soulful rapping...and cool MV (or I'm just bias)
I haven't blogged in a while, but today was the last day of classes. Officially free from classes, but real freedom is 3 finals from now. After the 10th, I'll be done. Maybe just work, but still. I need to start saving up for my trips! Watch me work my butt off since I've been such a shopaholic lately and oh my gosh, Christmas shopping -sigh- going broke.
By the way, got a new laptop. Coming on Thursdays! -cheers- Time for bed since I slept at 4:30am last night to finish up the group essay.
Good night.
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
drowning myself in a manga marathon
Haven't blogged in a while, but I have a good excuse. I have restarted my anime/manga craze and have been watching things like crazy. The last one I saw (still need to continue) is Persona: Trinity Soul. I have been reading some romance shoujo/josei manga which just takes up all my time. Staying up and sleeping in because of anime/manga? I feel like myself again. Feels stupid and crazy, but worth it.
Although I think I am getting sick since my body is feeling heavy, headache and felt sort of nauseous. Might be because of the lack of water...
Anyways, moving on...I have been pumped up about the summer because of a summer trip I'm planning and hoping to have. If anyone wants to go to Asia, just message me. To be honest, I want to stay in Asia for 2 months or so...go to Taiwan or Korea or Thailand. Something like that. I know it's not guaranteed I will have time to travel the year after, so this year, I want to make it something. I want to travel and do something with my time before I mope about it online on how I feel like I wasted my time and more things come into my life that stops me. No more waiting.
Although I think I am getting sick since my body is feeling heavy, headache and felt sort of nauseous. Might be because of the lack of water...
Anyways, moving on...I have been pumped up about the summer because of a summer trip I'm planning and hoping to have. If anyone wants to go to Asia, just message me. To be honest, I want to stay in Asia for 2 months or so...go to Taiwan or Korea or Thailand. Something like that. I know it's not guaranteed I will have time to travel the year after, so this year, I want to make it something. I want to travel and do something with my time before I mope about it online on how I feel like I wasted my time and more things come into my life that stops me. No more waiting.
Saturday, November 23, 2013
am i still regretting?
Regrets. Something I tend to have...
Was it the right decision to stay here instead of going to Toronto? A part of me knew that if I went, I would be forced to stay in the faculty...instead of being like where I am now, floating. The possibility of failing or even just barely passing my econ class will jeopardize my chances of transferring to business or another school. And with that transferring plan dying, I will be stuck where I don't want to be and everything I have been working towards will go down the drain.
I'm not blaming where I am now on the fact that I didn't leave. But if I didn't leave, will that force me to go through with things instead of being all wishy-washy here? For sure, with all these options I keep thinking up of here...I am not settling down and working towards one. Well, I am definitely not interested enough in any of the faculties for me to feel that passion that I always want about something.
What made me want to blog about this is because I just finished an anime that has always been on my list. I watched the drama for it already and put off watching the anime so I had something to wait for..and just, I knew I will feel this way and I didn't want to. Although it's not an out-of-this-world kind of anime...I love it and will definitely be on the top of my list. Made me tear up and just admire those who work towards their passion...overcoming the obstacles, whether it's because of the competition out there or the time limit and so on...It made me think about the question I have always wondered in the back of my mind:
Do I regret quitting piano?
Piano, when I think about it, has been my entire childhood. Two three hours of practice everyday on that Yamaha in a room that was made into the piano. Playing the scales, practicing sight reading, listening to my own music again and again. I still remember my hatred for it...and I remember how I did not enjoy playing at all...whether it's practice, recital or competitions. I remember how I would pound my fingers down on the ivory keys during the forte to express my anger and hope my mom can hear the dissatisfaction I felt. I remember thinking about ways to pretend I'm too sick or my arm is too cramped to continue to practice.
I remember laying on the bench and just stare up at the ceiling and wonder when someone will open up the ceiling and pick me up from that piano room so I can stop and be free. Practicing again and again. Piece after piece...stretching my fingers to reach more keys, moving my arm faster to keep up and make up for my small hands, and trying to put emotions that I do not have into the piece. I couldn't do it.
Being told how I am like a log sitting on the bench and playing. I didn't have enough emotion...nothing is being expressed through my music. Despite having the technical skills, I wasn't creating music. I hated that I wasn't, but I also can't make it happen the way everyone wanted it to. I guess I was tired, so tired. Tired of being compared, of being competitive, of practicing..I was so tired of the piano and the sound that just makes me want to cry thinking about it.
But now, after breathing piano for 5 years...and not touching one for 7 years or so...the last time I did, I just cried. My fingers hardened...and despite remembering, faintly, the keys to the last pieces I played...I sucked. I can't even play anymore. No emotions and no technical skills...it's not that I don't want to play anymore. I can't play. That breaks my heart, despite how much I love classical. I love classical music and I love the sound people create...I don't know if I regret the decision I made back then on quitting and having "freedom". Maybe if I didn't make that decision, some things in my life would be better?
Anyways, time to go read and to bed listening to Gershwin.
Was it the right decision to stay here instead of going to Toronto? A part of me knew that if I went, I would be forced to stay in the faculty...instead of being like where I am now, floating. The possibility of failing or even just barely passing my econ class will jeopardize my chances of transferring to business or another school. And with that transferring plan dying, I will be stuck where I don't want to be and everything I have been working towards will go down the drain.
I'm not blaming where I am now on the fact that I didn't leave. But if I didn't leave, will that force me to go through with things instead of being all wishy-washy here? For sure, with all these options I keep thinking up of here...I am not settling down and working towards one. Well, I am definitely not interested enough in any of the faculties for me to feel that passion that I always want about something.
What made me want to blog about this is because I just finished an anime that has always been on my list. I watched the drama for it already and put off watching the anime so I had something to wait for..and just, I knew I will feel this way and I didn't want to. Although it's not an out-of-this-world kind of anime...I love it and will definitely be on the top of my list. Made me tear up and just admire those who work towards their passion...overcoming the obstacles, whether it's because of the competition out there or the time limit and so on...It made me think about the question I have always wondered in the back of my mind:
Do I regret quitting piano?
Piano, when I think about it, has been my entire childhood. Two three hours of practice everyday on that Yamaha in a room that was made into the piano. Playing the scales, practicing sight reading, listening to my own music again and again. I still remember my hatred for it...and I remember how I did not enjoy playing at all...whether it's practice, recital or competitions. I remember how I would pound my fingers down on the ivory keys during the forte to express my anger and hope my mom can hear the dissatisfaction I felt. I remember thinking about ways to pretend I'm too sick or my arm is too cramped to continue to practice.
I remember laying on the bench and just stare up at the ceiling and wonder when someone will open up the ceiling and pick me up from that piano room so I can stop and be free. Practicing again and again. Piece after piece...stretching my fingers to reach more keys, moving my arm faster to keep up and make up for my small hands, and trying to put emotions that I do not have into the piece. I couldn't do it.
Being told how I am like a log sitting on the bench and playing. I didn't have enough emotion...nothing is being expressed through my music. Despite having the technical skills, I wasn't creating music. I hated that I wasn't, but I also can't make it happen the way everyone wanted it to. I guess I was tired, so tired. Tired of being compared, of being competitive, of practicing..I was so tired of the piano and the sound that just makes me want to cry thinking about it.
But now, after breathing piano for 5 years...and not touching one for 7 years or so...the last time I did, I just cried. My fingers hardened...and despite remembering, faintly, the keys to the last pieces I played...I sucked. I can't even play anymore. No emotions and no technical skills...it's not that I don't want to play anymore. I can't play. That breaks my heart, despite how much I love classical. I love classical music and I love the sound people create...I don't know if I regret the decision I made back then on quitting and having "freedom". Maybe if I didn't make that decision, some things in my life would be better?
Anyways, time to go read and to bed listening to Gershwin.
Saturday, November 16, 2013
down memory lane once again...
Do you recall how you once believed that if you left me, if you left my life, it would probably be better for me? You thought it would make me happier? Perhaps you still think that now...but once again, I beg to differ.
I say it over and over again, and I will continue to do so, that you are so important to me. That you being in my life is probably one of the best things ever. That you make me happy in a way no one can...you bring me that security I need...the one my personality and just my life in general...doesn't have. You balance me out and you just make me...happy. I want to be a happier person (and I do think I have been better, maybe not these last few days, but definitely better). I want to be a better person.
Time to get back to work!
I say it over and over again, and I will continue to do so, that you are so important to me. That you being in my life is probably one of the best things ever. That you make me happy in a way no one can...you bring me that security I need...the one my personality and just my life in general...doesn't have. You balance me out and you just make me...happy. I want to be a happier person (and I do think I have been better, maybe not these last few days, but definitely better). I want to be a better person.
Yesterday was probably one of my grouchiest day...where I worn out and tired. Super stressed and annoyed and it was followed by a long 2 hour commuting. Despite being stuck in traffic, in a crowded bus and sky train, in the rain, in a long line up, and in basically things I don't like...I find myself being able to still want to be better and try to be nice.
I was still pretty cheerful, surprisingly, and not muttering complaints because I got to talk to you...hear you whisper in my ear (not by choice, haha).
I wished the bus driver a good night and thanked him, I offered an old man a seat even though I just got it, I helped catch a woman who was following, I answered a woman's question about the transit, I helped a lady close the window, and I was just pretty calm.
I was still pretty cheerful, surprisingly, and not muttering complaints because I got to talk to you...hear you whisper in my ear (not by choice, haha).
I wished the bus driver a good night and thanked him, I offered an old man a seat even though I just got it, I helped catch a woman who was following, I answered a woman's question about the transit, I helped a lady close the window, and I was just pretty calm.
Kind of shocked me...my own actions and I'd like to think you contributed to it. For sure, your presence in my life has impacted me in ways that brings more good than bad. Thank you. Thank you for the great night and listening to my cries and just everything. Thank you for the great technology-free day where I just had time for myself and to be happy...away from stress and my problems. For being right beside me and remembering what I like and such. For making me smile so much more than I have this entire week, and feel so much more relaxed than ever. My eyes didn't hurt this whole time I was with you...nor did I feel any pain in my body. Thank you.
Time to get back to work!
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
yes, i should be studying...but i went through some Haruki Murakami quotes...
and it reminded me of things I knew and have been told before...
Although I haven't read his works, I think...in the environment I grew up in...with my huge interest in the Japanese culture, I have probably crossed paths many times with his creation. Thus, many of the quotes I read sounded so familiar. On top of that, I guess (although I am still young), I am able to resonate with quite a few of the quotes I read...just came to understand it through experiencing life?
Anyways,
reading it reminded me of what I learned in science class in high school. A fact a teacher, I can't remember who, told us how the cells in our body is replaced monthly... (I have absolutely no idea how I can remember that) and essentially, every month, we are physically not the same if you think about it.
Just typing that up reminded me something about how we aren't exactly touching the objects we think we are touching...because of some sort of barrier or something. No idea. I probably just like mashed up information together, but yeah...
No idea where I'm going with this...especially since I was stressing out moments ago about this brutal week that I have no idea how I will manage to survive...all in all, I think going through those quotes just brought me into some sort of peace that I need...since I've been filled with bad feelings and paranoia lately.
Now, to focus...
Although I haven't read his works, I think...in the environment I grew up in...with my huge interest in the Japanese culture, I have probably crossed paths many times with his creation. Thus, many of the quotes I read sounded so familiar. On top of that, I guess (although I am still young), I am able to resonate with quite a few of the quotes I read...just came to understand it through experiencing life?
Anyways,
reading it reminded me of what I learned in science class in high school. A fact a teacher, I can't remember who, told us how the cells in our body is replaced monthly... (I have absolutely no idea how I can remember that) and essentially, every month, we are physically not the same if you think about it.
Just typing that up reminded me something about how we aren't exactly touching the objects we think we are touching...because of some sort of barrier or something. No idea. I probably just like mashed up information together, but yeah...
No idea where I'm going with this...especially since I was stressing out moments ago about this brutal week that I have no idea how I will manage to survive...all in all, I think going through those quotes just brought me into some sort of peace that I need...since I've been filled with bad feelings and paranoia lately.
Now, to focus...
i want to change
After tomorrow's midterm, after trying to do some homework, I want to make a change and start doing something I love...or at least put some time in it. That way, I won't keep clinging onto the path I didn't choose to take. Kind of want to start/continue a new project...
Maybe pick up a few of my old ones, like with polymer clay, but this one...I should start. Hopefully, my group projects coming up will be manageable. I guess it's either this weekend or next weekend...since this weekend, I also have another individual assignment due on Monday. A time-consuming one to top that off -sigh-
We never have enough time. :( sadly..
Maybe pick up a few of my old ones, like with polymer clay, but this one...I should start. Hopefully, my group projects coming up will be manageable. I guess it's either this weekend or next weekend...since this weekend, I also have another individual assignment due on Monday. A time-consuming one to top that off -sigh-
We never have enough time. :( sadly..
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